


for now (i need a time out)

by kimwonpil



Series: i wanna be myself, i don't care [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Canon Compliant, Choi Youngjae-centric, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimwonpil/pseuds/kimwonpil
Summary: someday, youngjae knew the jokes would get to be too much, he just hadn't expected it to be today. maybe he would finally have to tell the truth, he had been keeping it from them for three years after all.(or, youngjae is asexual and gathers up the courage to come out to his six boyfriends)
Relationships: BamBam/Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum/Kim Yugyeom/Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang, Choi Youngjae/Everyone, Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, Choi Youngjae/Jackson Wang, Choi Youngjae/Kim Yugyeom, Choi Youngjae/Mark Tuan, Choi Youngjae/Park Jinyoung, GOT7 Ensemble/Everyone, GOT7 Ensemble/GOT7 Ensemble, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Choi Youngjae
Series: i wanna be myself, i don't care [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646098
Comments: 5
Kudos: 178





	for now (i need a time out)

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a very self-indulgent fic, i've been trying out new writing techniques lately and this is what my mind came up with today in the space of about 3 hours. as someone who is aroace myself, i wanted to express a little bit of my own emotions through this and am essentially self-projecting onto youngjae. this is super duper fluffy though and i am a sucker for ot7, i hope this is a good contribution to the youngjae-centric tag, bubby deserves more love pls :')
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading this, have a great weekend everyone!

“Youngjae, help me! Bammie is threatening to put his foot in my mouth—” The voice was cut off by a series of muffled shouts and Youngjae guessed that Yugyeom had gotten what he deserved for being so loud at 9am.

Youngjae was ready to jump out of the window in all honesty, maybe then he could eat his breakfast in peace when he arrived at the gates of hell. He managed to ignore the youngest pair’s screaming until it grew exponentially as Jackson decided to squish both of them in his arms in a belated good morning hug. Youngjae whined and put his head between the pages of the book he was reading, his spoon falling into the bowl of now-soggy cereal but Youngjae couldn’t find it within himself to care.

“Having a tough morning?” Came the sleep-laden voice from beside Youngjae as an equally tired Jaebum sat down, patting the younger boy’s back in sympathy. Youngjae could only hum in response, rubbing his eyes as he sat up again, pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose before returning to reading the same line of Jane Eyre again for what felt like the tenth time. He had to stop when the words started to blur into meaninglessness again, the shouting making his head hurt and he took to leaning against Jaebum, the elder feeding him spoonfuls of his omelette and rice every so often. 

“Do they ever shut up? I swear if they don’t quieten down the landlord will come for our asses again.” Mark grumbled, the eldest finally having ventured from his room to join the quiet pair in the kitchen. Jinyoung had, in fact, taken to participating in whatever chaos was occurring in Yugyeom’s room, probably wanting to annoy Jackson for entertainment and black mail purposes.

“I don’t think ‘shutting up’ is in their dictionary, but maybe they’ll be quiet if we bribe them with food?” Jaebum suggested with a half-hearted smile, getting up to warm some food for Mark in the microwave whilst the man in question turned to Youngjae’s drowsy looking form.

“What’s up with you then? You look rough.” Mark chuckled when Youngjae only shook his head. “Okay, you don’t wanna talk about it. Did you and Jackson maybe do something last night then, you slept together right?” Mark finished his small spiel abruptly when Youngjae spluttered and choked on his own saliva, the eldest only wriggled his eyebrows and got up to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

“W-We didn’t! I swear!” Youngjae whined and shook his head, loud tone making even the four rambunctious boys in the other room go quiet.

“Who didn’t do what? What’s going on?” Bambam asked curiously as he peeked his head around the side of the door, hair dishevelled and clothes crumpled beyond belief after what had surely been a Colosseum worthy brawl.

“It’s none of your business…” Youngjae mumbled and went to go back to his own room, swiping his book off the kitchen table as he moved past everyone else, eyes downcast and shoulders hunched.

Youngjae made sure to close the door quietly behind him, not wanting to cause anymore of a scene as he heard the others speak in hushed tones as they made their way to the kitchen. It wasn’t the first time he’d objected to teasing but it was the first time that it had caused such a reaction on his part.

Maybe it had made Youngjae uncomfortable, maybe all he wanted to do was get rid of his hearing altogether just so he wouldn’t have to hear remarks like that again. It seemed dramatic when he thought about it but the man knew that if he wanted to stay comfortable around his six boyfriends, he needed to say something.

For so long, Youngjae had never understood the appeal of anything beyond kissing and hugging, in fact, he still didn’t. He loved his boyfriends with everything that he had, but committing to anything sexual was beyond his realm of comprehension, he’d never felt an attraction to them in that way in the slightest. At first, Youngjae had berated himself, felt like his love wasn’t as real as the others, that he was lesser than them in some way. But slowly, Youngjae had learned to accept himself, found a label that suited him and how he felt, now all he needed to do was sit down and explain himself to his boyfriends. That was the hard part, since he didn’t know how.

Since they had decided to all date each other, talked about their feelings so openly, Youngjae had vowed to tell them about this part of himself. But a proper opportunity had never arisen, Youngjae’s confidence often dwindling whenever he was close to getting the words out. Being asexual wasn’t something to be ashamed of, he knew that, however Youngjae couldn’t help but be worried nonetheless. What if they didn’t want to be with someone like him? Someone who didn’t want something they all seemed to. It was a well known fact that Youngjae denied most of their advances and no one had kicked up that much of a fuss after so much time had passed. 

There was still, unfortunately, the voice in Youngjae’s head that told him time and time again that this would all end badly. He’d had his first time with Jinyoung years ago, before the seven of them had gotten together, surely he’d be suspicious about the label Youngjae was now placing on himself? Thinking back to that day made his skin crawl, even if Jinyoung had been gentle and oh so caring, he had woken up the morning after to a sense of discomfort that didn’t shift. The knowing glances and the thought that he might have to repeat everything again filling him up with dread. Youngjae hadn’t felt anything, had had to lie to Jinyoung and say it was amazing, _the best night of his life_ or something cliche like that.

Maybe hiding in his room and waiting for everything to pass, the days and months and years to go on by, was the best option of all? If he could do just that then surely he wouldn’t have to face the reality of what he had to say to the others.

“—jae, Youngjae. Is everything okay in there?” Of course, Jinyoung was there. Of course he was. 

Youngjae snapped back into reality, about to speak when he realised that his cheeks were wet and he was still sitting down, back pressed against his locked door. The younger cleared his throat, not wanting to be the cause of any worry, Jinyoung already worried about him enough, about all of them in fact.

“I’m fine, everything’s okay.” Youngjae reassured Jinyoung, or at least attempted to, it was obviously unsuccessful when he heard a dejected sigh from the other side of the door.

“I know you’re sitting down there Youngjae, you only sit there when you’re upset and don’t want anyone else to come in.” Wow, Youngjae thought to himself, Jinyoung really did know him inside out, probably even more than he knew himself. The younger boy brought himself to his feet and opened the door; to his surprise, all six of his boyfriends were standing there, crowding around Jinyoung like some baby chicks following after their mother, wide eyed and curious.

“Oh Youngjae…” Jinyoung breathed out, not giving the younger time to process the situation before he was being bundled up into the arms of his boyfriend, instantly melting into Jinyoung’s arms as he pressed his face into the crook of the elder’s neck. That was when he broke, Youngjae felt all of his emotions bubbling up inside of him and they decided to spill out right then and there before he could stop them. The boy sobbed into Jinyoung’s shirt, shoulders starting to shake as the others seemed to back off a little, Jinyoung rubbing Youngjae’s back as he whispered repeated sweet nothings to him.

Somehow, Jinyoung managed to guide them into the living room, Youngjae ending up on his lap as they curled up into the armchair. Everyone else sat down around them, waiting for Youngjae to unfurl himself from where he was remaining hidden for the time being, the boy intent on staying put for now.

“Youngjae, baby, can you tell us what’s wrong?”

“It was what I said right?” Mark suddenly voiced out, cutting through Jinyoung’s quiet concern as Youngjae’s breath hitched and he shook his head rapidly.

“No no hyung it wasn’t… It wasn’t that…” He quickly replied, hating the thought of Mark blaming himself for the mess that only Youngjae himself could take responsibility for. “It’s actually been building up for a while now, I’m sorry for making such a scene.” Youngjae breathed out, hands moving to fiddle with his sweater paws as everyone only grew more skeptical. Jaebum had made them promise when they’d first gotten together not to keep anything to themselves, especially if it was hurting them or eating them up inside. Youngjae knew that he had gone against that but this? This was different, not something he felt that he could confide with anyone about.

“How long Youngjae?”

“What?”

“How long has this been going on for?” Jaebum reiterated, the leader’s face holding nothing but concern and a sadness that Youngjae couldn’t quite place in his repertoire of ‘Jaebum expressions’.

Youngjae wondered for a moment whether he should lie for Jaebum’s peace of mind, but he knew that would only cause him to feel even worse as a result, deciding that the truth was the better option.

“Since before we all started dating.”

The silence that followed was so immense and suffocating that Youngjae found tears prickling in his eyes once more, knowing that everyone was staring at him and wondering what to say. Youngjae had kept this to himself for literal years, three of them to be exact, almost four.

Jinyoung was the first to react, arms wrapping around Youngjae again as he pulled the younger against his chest and hugged him tightly. Youngjae hadn’t even told him the cause of his outburst yet and the elder still had it in him to care for Youngjae, he didn’t know what angel Jinyoung was but he was sure there was a special place in heaven reserved for him.

“Can you tell us what’s wrong then Youngjae? You can take as long as you need, we’ll all listen until you’ve finished.” Jinyoung whispered, sending a glare over in Jaebum’s direction as a silent threat to not interrupt, the same glare was then passed over everyone in the room until they all got the message.

Youngjae took a few shaky breaths before pulling himself out of his hiding spot once more, sitting up in Jinyoung’s lap as he rubbed at his eyes. The boy eventually found his words, clearing his throat as he divulged everything that had been on his mind.

“I get really uncomfortable whenever we discuss sex and, well, anything beyond making out really. It’s just not something that I like or enjoy, I’m fine with other people doing it but not me and it’s been like this for a while. As much as you’re all caring people and I know you’d treat me really well, I just can’t bring myself to do anything beyond kissing. I get uncomfortable and nervous and everything just starts to feel wrong and off-kilter. I didn’t say anything because I was scared of how you’d react, there was always something telling me that I was broken or weird and that you would only leave me once you realised that I didn’t want… That. I couldn’t tell you because if you said anything like the voice in my head was telling me, I didn’t think I could cope with that at all. I’m sorry for not saying anything Jaebum hyung…” Youngjae eventually tethered off, swallowing thickly as he waited for someone, anyone, to say something in reply. Mark was the one to break the silence.

“So you’re asexual?” The word sounded so natural coming from the eldest that Youngjae was caught off guard, taking a moment to absorb the bluntness before he nodded in reply, Mark smiling at him brightly.

“Okay cool, that’s fine with me.” He hummed and sat back, Youngjae blinking at him and starting to wonder if he was dreaming all of this. Maybe he’d knocked his head on the door or something earlier and this was all a mere hallucination?

“Yeah, nothing will change much now, we just know your boundaries.” Bambam spoke up soon after. Okay, Youngjae was definitely going insane, the voice in his head being pushed further and further away as Jackson nodded in agreement with Bambam.

“I wish you’d told us sooner, but I promise we won’t make you uncomfortable anymore hyung.” Came Yugyeom’s quiet voice, Youngjae only just about managing to nod in reply as he sunk quickly into Jinyoung’s embrace, unsure of what to do now. The four who had voiced their opinion seemed to have some psychic connection, all of them leaving the room quickly. In reality, Jaebum had simply signalled for them to leave, but Youngjae had missed that in his current state. The leader got up and approached the pair in the armchair, sitting on the edge as he reached to run a hand through Youngjae’s hair.

“I’m sorry that you felt you couldn’t tell us all of that Youngjae, I’m sorry that it took this long for you to feel confident enough to say anything. I’m the one at fault here…” Jaebum said softly, watching as Youngjae’s eyes filled with tears and all but catapulted himself into his arms, clinging onto Jaebum tightly.

“I promise that if there’s anything else bothering you, no matter how big or small, we’re always here for you Youngjae. Always.” Jaebum whispered, small smile on his face as he pressed a lingering kiss to the younger’s forehead. Jinyoung rubbed Youngjae’s back soothingly, letting the boy calm down from his still in-shock state.

“I love you all, so so much.” Youngjae’s tone was timid but every word dripped with sincerity and Jaebum’s heart swelled, smile growing with each second that passed.

“I love you more Youngjae, you’re our little sunshine, I’ll never leave you.” Jaebum promised, tilting Youngjae’s chin up and kissing the younger oh-so softly. Jinyoung barely gave Youngjae time to breath once he pulled away before diving in to kiss him too. The trio quickly moved onto the larger couch, Youngjae giggling as he was attacked from both sides in bone-crushing hugs and gentle kisses that held more meaning than he would ever know.

“You’re perfect Youngjae, please don’t forget that.” Jinyoung whispered once they’d settled, the youngest of the three peering up from where he was led across both of their laps.

“Thank you.” Was all he could reply with, but it was enough. The voice in Youngjae’s head finally lay silent, having completely disappeared at long last.

The comfortable silence they then settled into seemed to last forever, until it didn’t.

“Jinyoung! Jackson just smashed one of your potted plants!” Mark called loudly.

Now _this_ , Youngjae thought as Jinyoung rushed to kill the offender, this was perfect indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter ♡: [@acepiri](https://twitter.com/acepiri)  
> 


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